When life was supposed to get easier… but didn’t

There’s an idea many of us carry about our fifties and sixties.

By now, surely life will have settled down a little. The children will be independent. The mortgage might be smaller, paid off. We’ll have more time, fewer responsibilities and perhaps finally get to think about what we want.

And then we arrive here and discover something rather different.

Welcome to the Third Chapter, where life can be incredibly exciting, but where the responsibilities haven’t necessarily disappeared. In fact, sometimes it feels as though we’re being pulled in more directions than ever.

We may have elderly parents who increasingly need our time and support. Our adult children may still live at home, not because they’ve failed, but because health, finances, housing costs or simply life circumstances have made independence much harder than it once was.

Then grandchildren arrive. Wonderful? Absolutely. But for many women, being a grandparent also comes with another layer of responsibility. School pickups, babysitting, helping exhausted adult children and being the person everyone knows they can call.

And somewhere amongst all of that, we’re still working.

Perhaps you imagined you’d be winding down by now. Instead, retirement seems further away than expected, the cost of living has changed the plan, or you’ve realised you need, or even want, to continue in the workspace for longer.

No wonder so many women reach this stage and quietly wonder:

When exactly does it become my turn?

The Third Chapter isn’t responsibility-free

I don’t think creating a wonderful third chapter means abandoning the people we love or pretending our responsibilities don’t exist.

It means recognising that our lives matter within them too.

Perhaps you’re currently juggling:

• Ageing parents who need increasing levels of care and support, even if they’re in aged care.  
• Adult children who aren’t yet completely independent, but like to think they are.
• Grandchildren you adore but who also require your time
• A career or business you’re not quite ready, or financially able, to leave
• A home, relationship and all the everyday responsibilities that don’t magically disappear
• Your own changing needs, energy and priorities
• And that increasingly persistent little voice asking, “What about me?”

That last one matters.

Because after decades of being needed, it can feel surprisingly uncomfortable to start considering what you want from the next 10, 20 or 30+ years.

Maybe “What’s next?” doesn’t require a dramatic answer

Your Third Chapter doesn’t need to involve selling everything, buying a campervan and disappearing around Australia, although that would ace!

Although I’m certainly not ruling that out!

Maybe it’s about making some room.

Room for friendships. Travel. Creativity. A new business. Learning something. Changing direction. Having more fun. Saying no occasionally. Rediscovering something you used to love. Or simply having time that doesn’t automatically belong to somebody else.

You don’t have to stop being a mother, daughter, grandmother, partner, employee, business owner or carer.

But perhaps it’s time to make sure you haven’t disappeared underneath all those titles.

Ask yourself:

• What do I want more of now?
• What am I ready to have less of?
• What am I doing because I genuinely want to, and what am I doing because I feel I should?
• What have I been putting off until “one day”?
• If the next ten years looked exactly like the last few, would I be happy with that?
• What would make me genuinely excited about what’s ahead?

You don’t need all the answers today.

Sometimes asking the questions is where change begins.

Your life still belongs to you

The third chapter of our lives can be messy. We can be helping elderly parents while worrying about adult children, cuddling grandchildren while answering work emails and wondering when we’re ever going to get around to ourselves.

But perhaps this chapter isn’t about waiting for everybody else to stop needing us.

Perhaps it’s about learning how to include ourselves while they still do.

There is still so much ahead of us. New experiences. New people. New ideas. New adventures. And probably quite a few firsts we haven’t even imagined yet.

So amongst everything you’re carrying, make a little room to ask:

What do I want now?

I’ve created Your Voice. Your Next Chapter, a guided e-journal to give you the space to explore exactly that, your confidence, values, relationships, boundaries, possibilities and what you want from the years ahead.

Explore Your Voice. Your Next Chapter at Thirdchapterhq on Etsy

You don’t have to have your third chapter figured out. You just need to give yourself permission to start thinking about it.

Or, if you think you’re ready to make changes, book in a discovery call here!

Until next time, take care, Sarah xo