For years I’ve spoken my mind before thinking, sometimes using language that didn’t convey what I was saying in a jovial or friendly manner. This would in turn come across as something nasty or blunt, particularly when conveyed by a third party. It’s been that way since my teen years. It was when I was seeing a therapist early in 2024 that I discovered I had Inattentive ADHD, which made so much sense.
But then, later in the year whilst seeking therapy again, it was revealed why I retreat and hide under the covers when I’ve stuffed up! That’s where the rejection sensitive dysphoria diagnosis popped up too. I thought, what the hell? How can I have gotten to my mid 50s and only just realise I am the way I am?
So what is RSD?
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is a condition that can cause intense emotional sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism. It’s not just about disliking rejection – it’s an overwhelming reaction that can affect your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. For those unfamiliar with RSD, it can be helpful to think of it as a magnifying glass for emotions, where everything feels bigger and more personal that it actually is.
Here’s a simple breakdown to help explain it.
People with RSD often experience intense emotional pain even when rejection isn’t real. A neutral comment, a missed call, a text message that’s perceived in the wrong manner, or a slight change in someone’s tone can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy. Even something you’ve said and being misconstrued in a different way. This response is automatic and deeply felt, making it hard to separate perception from reality, which can lead to a retreat from everyday life for hours and/or days.
RSD is often associated with ADHD and other neurodiverse conditions. It’s not a character flaw or an overreaction; it’s a neurological response. Understanding this connection can help remove stigma and encourage compassion for those who experience it. A key point to remember with RSD that it isn’t something you can just ‘get over’. It’s rooted in how their brain processes emotions.
For many, the emotional response to perceived rejection can feel as intense as physical pain. This isn’t an exaggeration – studies have shown that the brain processes social rejection in the same areas it processes physical pain. This explains why the feelings can feel so consuming. Eg: Imagine a sharp pain in your chest or that sinking feeling in your stomach that doesn’t go away quickly. That’s what rejection can feel like for someone with RSD.
To cope with the fear of rejection, many people with RSD might go out of their way to avoid situations where they could feel criticised, or feel they’ve criticised someone without realising it. This can mean saying yes to things they don’t want to do or withdrawing entirely from social interactions. While these behaviours can protect against perceived rejection in the short term, they often lead to burnout and resentment. An example is, someone might do anything the perceived person thinks to keep that friend for the sake of it, or take on extra work to avoid disappointing the boss, even if it’s overwhelming.
For someone with RSD, knowing they are seen and understood is incredibly powerful. Simple acts of reassurance or acknowledgement can help soothe the intense emotions they’re feeling. Being patient and empathetic goes a long way. Tip: instead of saying, you’re overreacting or, did you really say that? Try saying, I’m sure you didn’t mean it like that or, I can see this is really hard for you, I’m here to listen or help make sense of it.
Living with RSD isn’t easy, but understanding it can create more compassion and stronger connections. Whether you experience RSD or know someone who may, spreading awareness helps everyone navigate it together.
One thing I’ve definitely learnt from having this condition, is knowing I’m not nuts, or special…just different. I know I’ve still got a long way to go, and there’s going to be future situations where I’ll want to retreat when shit happens, but knowing my reactions are not due to my upbringing is a relief.
Believe you may have this condition? Make contact via the contact section of the website and let’s have a conversation and work through your feelings. You’re not alone! Want to learn more about it? Here’s some more information.
https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/
Until next time, Sarah xo